Dear Spiders: Please stay out of my house!

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spiders in the house

I am a nice person…really I am. I am not a murderer, and I actually have a soft spot for all types of critters. As long as they stay outside…..

woman scared by spider,spiders in the house Why have there been oodles of spiders in my house lately? Well, I actually know the answer to this one – there has been a brutal heatwave and they are enjoying my nice air-conditioned house. Well maybe I don’t want to share! I swear to you – for the past four nights while I am watching tv in my bedroom, I see the dreaded object on my ceiling. Crap. Again?

Luckily my daughter doesn’t mind catching spiders so I desperately call for her each time. If you remember a few posts ago, my hubby was my go to spider catching person. Well not anymore – this person is now my daughter. The other night I did call my husband in to get an especially large fella off the ceiling. Well he crumbled the tissue and didn’t press right on the spider, but rather tried to “catch” it I guess. He put the tissue on the spider and cupped it…then opened it to see if he got it, and of course the spider falls out, but is still alive. The spider scrambled behind something, and hubby left, feeling satisfied that his work there was done. Flash forward to a couple of hours later:
I see something out of the corner of my eye in the hallway. Yep – you guessed it. The same spider – hobbling along (not too quickly I might add). I holler out “Oh for the love of Pete” and I retrieve the vacuum cleaner from the guest room. Sorry Mr. Spider.

Now my daughter on the other hand seems to have no fear. She happily climbs on the tall step stool (after I turn off the ceiling fan of course – I do not want to decapitate my child), and I hand her a wad of tissue. I say “Smoosh it Liz!”, and she goes at it with gusto. There is not a chance of any critter surviving her ninja squash.

So my dear husband…I love you with all my heart, you know I do. But I really expect some of your brute force when you tackle the spiders that are upsetting me. Don’t be kind – please. I’m sorry sweetie – you have lost your job as my official spider getter…the job now belongs to your way cool daughter!

And to you spiders: Please knock it off…please? Go outside where you belong. You do not belong indoors – you are a bug, insect, arachnid, whatever…go enjoy the great outdoors – run – be free. Shoo. If you do not obey my wishes you will find yourself running from:

a) me and the vacuum cleaner
b) my darling daughter (she is tougher than she looks)
or
c) my husband who will merely disable you.

This message goes out to all other critters who come into my home too – please stay out. Thank you.

Eighty MPH Momhas more critter stories too!

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Jennifer Regan is the owner/editor-in-chief of Eighty MPH Mom, a family-friendly blog. She is active in Brand Ambassadorships and campaigns, and is active in social media, helping brands promote!

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