A Day at the DMV – hair color, weight, and height? Really?

DMV. Those three letters send people into panic mode, causing heart palpitations, and knots in the stomach.  I rate going to the DMV right up there with root canals, jury duty, and taking my pets to the vet.

Lucky me – my driver’s license was up for renewal this year. I have skated by for the past twelve years or so, due to my pretty much perfect driving record *cough*. Or not getting caught. Or whatever. But that’s not important. The last twelve years have been heavenly, as my license just automatically renews. This year though, I received the dreaded letter from DMV that said I had to physically come into their office for a new photo, new thumb print, and a vision test. Granted I received this notice several months before my birthday, but when I tried to call a few weeks ago for an appointment, the only times were after my birthday. Crap. It’s my own fault, I know this. So here it is February 10th, and my birthday is the 13th (Sunday). I am quickly running out of time, and I have to go. So this morning, I braved the… {oh never mind, wrong story}, I went to the local DMV office like any responsible adult should do {except most responsible adults would have done this weeks ago}.

As I walked in I noticed the long line at the information desk. You know when a desk has a sign above it that says “Start Here”, that you are in for a long journey. I waited in line for a bit, but thank goodness it moved quickly. When it was my turn I handed the lady my renewal form and had a feeling of relief. I was making progress!

She asked me if my weight was the same {as it was 12 years ago – right}, and I said no. She said to tell her my current weight within 10 lbs. Well knowing I might lose weight in the near future, I chose to go down a few more than 10 pounds. She then asked if I was still 5’2. Seriously? Looking back, I wish I had told her that no, I have grown to a whopping 6’1. I’m sure the look on her face would have been priceless. Next up, the hair question. My old license said I have brown hair. My hair is naturally brown. She asked me if my hair was still brown and I said “yes”. She said, “No, it’s blonde”. Well, look here lady, it could be red tomorrow – what’s your point? Whatever. I finally agreed that it is currently blonde {even though it is brown with blond highlights}, just to pacify her. I think women should be able to describe hair color in depth on their driver’s licenses.

She then asked me if I wanted to be an organ donor. “Of course!”, I said proudly. I wasn’t expecting her to say, “Okay then, you need to fill out this extremely long and personal form and then come back to this window”.  Well damn.  I almost told her to forget it, as my hope was to get in and out as fast as possible.  But since I do believe in donating my parts when I meet my untimely demise, I knew what I had to do. I grabbed the form, slowly shuffled my way to the nearest set of chairs, and filled out the form as fast as humanly possible.

Back to the “Start Here”‘ line. I was given a number and was told to have a seat…again. I anxiously waited for my number to be called, and about 15 minutes later it was. Of course it was clear on the other side of the massive DMV office. I trekked my way over to Window 3, where I was finger printed, handed a temporary license, and asked to read the vision chart. I was a little scared, as I used to wear contacts, but have since had laser eye surgery. My vision was excellent right after the surgery, but I have noticed recently, that letters are a little blurry. I read 1st line perfectly. He told me to cover one eye and read line 3. No problem. After I read it, he looked at me and said “Ummm what?”.  And then I was like, “What??”   He asked me to read it again, and apparently my second reading satisfied him. After I wrote a check, he told me to go Window 18 {clear on the other side of the building – where I first started out} to have my picture taken. But..but…I really like my old picture! I was young and cute, and well, thin!

While standing in the picture line, I contemplated what I should do for my picture. I should probably smile. But then again, that isn’t how I would look if I got pulled over. I think this expression would be more accurate, should I get pulled over:

I ended up smiling. I wasn’t happy, but I smiled. I only smiled because I knew I was done at the DMV!

I sauntered out of that building – it was a really quick saunter actually, as I feared they might realize they forgot something if I took too long to leave. No, I didn’t want to sit in the chairs again, or walk to a new window on the other side of the building.

I was in and out of the DMV in 45 minutes…I do believe that is a record!   With any luck, they will keep renewing my license by mail for the next twelve years or so.

How was your last experience with the DMV?  Okay, and I have to know – did you tell the truth about your weight?