I was looking for a sign. A sign to comfort me when I cried. I wanted and needed a sign – that dad was surrounding me so I could feel him with me.
You can’t just “find” these types of signs, they have to come to you.
A sign from Mom
It has been almost five years since mom passed away. The night that my mom lay dying in a hospital room, a sign came to me, but I didn’t know it at the time. We had been in her room for almost 24 hours, waiting for her last breath. After several hours in the room, I needed to step out. I went outside and stood in
the dark, with the morning drizzle falling on me. The most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever done was waiting for my mother to die. Everything was so quiet in front of the hospital. It was early in the morning before the hustle and bustle started, and it was just me standing alone. As I stood there crying, I saw a single little tree gently swaying in the breeze. I stared at it, with a feeling of comfort, as it continued to move slowly with each light breeze. I stopped crying briefly, and something washed over me.
I dreaded going back up to the hospital room, knowing the inevitable awaited me. I watched my mom take her final breath, while I repeated, “I love you Mom, I love you”. They were the last words she heard.
The next few days were a combination of shock, sadness, and disbelief. I spent countless hours in the backyard, under the gazebo, where I could be alone and just cry. And oh how I cried. My best friend was gone. Never again would I hear her voice, or her heartwarming laughter.
It was a couple of days after she died, I was sitting out back, crying. It was a warm fall day. A soft breeze unlike any other touched me and suddenly washed over me. It was gentle and soothing and it enveloped me. I knew immediately it was mom…and I knew why that little tree swayed the way it did the night she died. I felt mom hugging me and I immediately felt peaceful.
Every so often I feel that special “breeze”. I can’t describe it adequately, but I know it is her. It isn’t just any breeze…
The sign from Dad
When dad passed away in June of this year, my world was rocked yet again. It was sudden and completely unexpected. I cry daily, missing him terribly. In the days immediately following his death, I was desperately seeking a sign from him. A sign like I had with my mom. It just wasn’t happening, although I looked everywhere.
About two weeks after he passed, I was in the backyard watering the plants, and of course I was crying. I put the hose on the mist setting and I was just watching it, kind of mesmerized. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a gorgeous butterfly. This wasn’t one of the white ones, but a colorful beauty that I rarely
see. It floated in front of me, back and forth in the mist, before finally landing on a leaf. I kept expecting the butterfly to move on, but it stayed - flitting around me, and putting on quite a show. Its graceful movements captivated me and warmth rushed all over me. I stopped crying as I realized my sign had found me. I decided to sit down, since the butterfly apparently was in no hurry to leave, and I smiled through tears as it weightlessly flew back and forth in front of me, for the longest time.
Last week, we held dad’s memorial service at the fairly new VA Cemetery. As we drove up, we marveled at the beauty of it. The sun was shining, and the beautiful lake and green grass that seemed to go on forever, were breathtaking. Dad had picked a serene resting place. We were instructed to get in our cars and drive in procession. My husband was driving and I was in the passenger seat. We were waiting for the cars ahead of us to start moving, when a beautiful butterfly appeared and sailed in front of our car. It went back and forth in front of us, but in no big hurry. It was happy, it was free, it was home. I smiled and softly said, “I love you, Dad”.
Have you had any signs from your loved ones that have brought you comfort?
I have also found myself grieving from losing both parents. Where do I belong now?
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Even though I am sobbing right now, I loved this post. You are so lucky to have gotten those signs from your parents. I lost my dad in April and I am still looking for a sign. I am so sorry you have been through this with both of your parents. I am still in so much pain over the loss of my father, I can’t imagine having to go through this again. I am so sorry for your losses.
I am so, so very sorry about your dad. I know the pain you are in. If you ever need to talk or cry or anything, I am here okay?
This post is so amazingly beautiful! I’m so sorry about your parents, Jennifer, but I’m also so glad that you have found signs from them that help you get through the tough times. I hope that you continue to find comfort and know that they are both with you.
Thank you so much…the signs help so much. It took so much longer for his “sign” than moms. Thank you for your comforting words…
This made me cry – such a beautiful and well-written post. I have yet to lose a parent, and I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. Hugs to you.
I haven’t noticed specific “signs” from loved ones, but I have lots of vivid dreams. When I wake up I remember that I learned so much but can never remember specifics.
One exception was when my Uncle die, my dad and I both had very similar dreams on the same night, shortly after his death. Apologizing and thanking us for supporting my Aunt. (Before his death we hadn’t spoken to her for years).
That is so strange about the dreams on the same night! I find that I dream about my mom (and remember them) when I am napping. Some are so vivid. I’ve only had one dream about my dad so far…
I had a cousin who died years ago. He was one best buddy I have. I lost track of time due to work, I forgot what it’s like when he was with me. I got some trouble having some dealings with a certain situation wherein I needed help. I thought I have no friends at all. Until he showed me in the dream. It got me right on the spot. I did the most daring thing to set things right. I did managed to solve that one and I noticed the day I achieved success, it was his birthday!
Seems creepy but I shed tears and apologized for the lost time I haven’t remembered him. I missed him a lot. And I thank him for the dream he showed me. It gave me the will to be just like him before and remembered his golden advices in terms of achieving the best good thing that’s worth fighting for.
I still have my mom, but I lost my dad 3 years ago and it took me 2 years to come out of the darkness on that. But he did appear to me twice in dreams. He looked younger and refreshed so it wasn’t instant recognition, but I hugged him in the dreams and I felt peace knowing that he was ok and healed and happy.
Thinking about you…
Losing a parent really does throw your world into a tailspin. Hardest thing ever! How neat that you hugged him in your dream – I want a dream like that!
What a gorgeous post! I am totally teared up now. My mother lost her mom the year before she had me. (They tried for 4 years to have me, and I was born almost to the day her mother passed.)
To her and her sisters whenever they see an eagle, they know it is her mother. You see, this eagle doesn’t show up where you would expect to see it. And also shows up when they need it most.
As for other signs – the day my hubs and I were married my Aunts told me that Hubs had been tapping my hand with his thumb as he held it through the ceremony (this is not something he normally does).
They said when they noticed it, they started to cry because when they were little girls, my Grandfather (who passed away years prior), would hold their hands just like that and tap them gently whenever they were nervous or scared about something.
They said it felt as if my Grandfather was showing us he was there at the ceremony. I cried happy tears when they told me that story, and today I have a 11×14 picture of him doing that framed in our home to remind me that family is always there in spirit.
I am so glad you found your signs from your parents, and so sorry you lost them so early in your life. I pray you find peace in the moments you have with these signs and the memories you made with them before they passed.
Beautiful post!
The eagle is a beautiful sign…and the signs only show up every so often, which makes them even more special. How neat about your Grandfather…and that you have the picture of him doing that is priceless.
Thank you so much for commenting!
I believe too.
I’m glad your parents let you feel their presence.
My daughter comes to me, too.
What a beautiful post Jennifer. I don’t have any experience in such a loss – no one close to me has died in over 30 years. I guess I am probably living on borrowed time so I hope that when this does happen, I will be able to remember your post and keep and eye out for a sign to help me cope.
You do know you were one of the friends I was referring to in my last post – You are such an unbelievably special person in my life. I hope we will have more time together soon – I love going to events with you because you “get” me and laugh with me… and at me of course. Miss you – stay strong!
I do know that
We have to get together soon – even if it’s not a blogging event. We can do a getaway somewhere. I can make the trip down there and we can leave from there. Sounds like you need some girl time!
My heart goes out to you… I love you! <3
It’s a powerful thing to be able to recognize those signs. I truly believe in them – each can be so comforting and bring a sense of peace to the moment. I love that you shared your experience with signs, it’s a personal piece of you, though still pretty raw, and I can only imagine how good it felt to put it all into words. *hugs*
Thank you Erin…it was hard to write, but it also felt good. I hope it will help others in this situation – not to ignore what could be a sign.