I was looking for a sign. A sign to comfort me when I cried. I wanted and needed a sign – that dad was surrounding me so I could feel him with me.
You can’t just “find” these types of signs, they have to come to you.
A sign from Mom
It has been almost five years since mom passed away. The night that my mom lay dying in a hospital room, a sign came to me, but I didn’t know it at the time. We had been in her room for almost 24 hours, waiting for her last breath. After several hours in the room, I needed to step out. I went outside and stood in the dark, with the morning drizzle falling on me. The most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever done was waiting for my mother to die. Everything was so quiet in front of the hospital. It was early in the morning before the hustle and bustle started, and it was just me standing alone. As I stood there crying, I saw a single little tree gently swaying in the breeze. I stared at it, with a feeling of comfort, as it continued to move slowly with each light breeze. I stopped crying briefly, and something washed over me.
I dreaded going back up to the hospital room, knowing the inevitable awaited me. I watched my mom take her final breath, while I repeated, “I love you Mom, I love you”. They were the last words she heard.
The next few days were a combination of shock, sadness, and disbelief. I spent countless hours in the backyard, under the gazebo, where I could be alone and just cry. And oh how I cried. My best friend was gone. Never again would I hear her voice, or her heartwarming laughter.
It was a couple of days after she died, I was sitting out back, crying. It was a warm fall day. A soft breeze unlike any other touched me and suddenly washed over me. It was gentle and soothing and it enveloped me. I knew immediately it was mom…and I knew why that little tree swayed the way it did the night she died. I felt mom hugging me and I immediately felt peaceful.
Every so often I feel that special “breeze”. I can’t describe it adequately, but I know it is her. It isn’t just any breeze…
The sign from Dad
When dad passed away in June of this year, my world was rocked yet again. It was sudden and completely unexpected. I cry daily, missing him terribly. In the days immediately following his death, I was desperately seeking a sign from him. A sign like I had with my mom. It just wasn’t happening, although I looked everywhere.
About two weeks after he passed, I was in the backyard watering the plants, and of course I was crying. I put the hose on the mist setting and I was just watching it, kind of mesmerized. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a gorgeous butterfly. This wasn’t one of the white ones, but a colorful beauty that I rarely see. It floated in front of me, back and forth in the mist, before finally landing on a leaf. I kept expecting the butterfly to move on, but it stayed - flitting around me, and putting on quite a show. Its graceful movements captivated me and warmth rushed all over me. I stopped crying as I realized my sign had found me. I decided to sit down, since the butterfly apparently was in no hurry to leave, and I smiled through tears as it weightlessly flew back and forth in front of me, for the longest time.
Last week, we held dad’s memorial service at the fairly new VA Cemetery. As we drove up, we marveled at the beauty of it. The sun was shining, and the beautiful lake and green grass that seemed to go on forever, were breathtaking. Dad had picked a serene resting place. We were instructed to get in our cars and drive in procession. My husband was driving and I was in the passenger seat. We were waiting for the cars ahead of us to start moving, when a beautiful butterfly appeared and sailed in front of our car. It went back and forth in front of us, but in no big hurry. It was happy, it was free, it was home. I smiled and softly said, “I love you, Dad”.
Have you had any signs from your loved ones that have brought you comfort?
I have also found myself grieving from losing both parents. Where do I belong now?