Speedy’s Not-so-Excellent Adventure (A Trip to the E.R.)


Parotid (salivary) gland stone

Okay, Saturday night – there I was, minding my own business while eating dinner. I was happily munching away, when I start to notice a weird sensation on the right side of my face. Sometimes (and this is kind of weird) I get a tickling deep in my ear when I eat eggplant.  I was not eating eggplant so I was baffled by the sensation.  No more than one minute later, a huge lump appeared on the part of my right cheek next to my ear.  It hurt.  It grew and grew.  I was getting quite concerned, needless to say, as this was not normal.

I showed it to my husband and he was stunned.  By now the “lump” had spread to under my ear and a little under my jaw line.  The right side of my face was twice as big as usual and hard as a rock.  I quickly got online to see if I could find a prognosis for my freakish lump.  Everything pointed to a salivary gland.  The recommendation was to drink straight lemon juice and to get the saliva going on the at side.  I did this and each time, it made the lump get bigger and harder.  I put an ice pack on it and hoped that the mysterious lump would be gone when I woke up in the morning.

Flash forward to 4:30 a.m. I was tossing and turning and couldn’t get comfortable. I tried the right side, but there was pressure.  I tried the left side but there was even worse pressure.  Crap.  What do I do now?  I was pretty scared by now of course, and decided to head to the emergency room.  My hubby and daughter were still sleeping, and I didn’t want to bother them, so I left three notes strategically placed around the house, and I headed out.

Luckily there weren’t many people in the waiting room and they took me right in.  They were quite baffled too (and probably a little scared – I resembled Quasimodo – except my hump was on my face).  They examined me and determined that it was a stone in my Parotid (salivary) gland, and it was infected and obstructed.  They said this is usually caused by dieting and sometimes dehydration.  I guess I was dehydrated.  They started an IV and pumped 2 liters of fluid in me as well as NSAIDS and antibiotics.  I was hurting quite a bit at this point but didn’t want to take anything for the pain, as that would require a ride home and I didn’t want to bother hubby.

They made me eat a lemon (which tasted pretty darned good at this point) but it made my face swell even more.  My husband called a little while later and was disturbed that I didn’t wake him up.  Oooopsie!  I told him it is boring here and he does not need to come in.

I was released 5 hours later with instructions to take oral antibiotics for 10 days and to keep warm compresses on it.  Sunday was a lazy day, I just relaxed.  My daughter’s friend stopped by with her mom (I had never met them before – my daughter was going to their house).  I introduced myself to the mom, and then my stomach dropped when I realized what a mess I must look.  I had not showered, I had no makeup on and my face was gigantic.  I quickly pointed out that I was sick and don’t normally look like this.  Oh boy.  Yesterday (Monday) I slept most of the day – I guess the infection was kicking my backside.  I was hurting so bad…it was brutal.

Today I woke up and noticed a major improvement.  The pain had subsided quite a bit, as had my lump. I no longer looked like a member of the freak show!  Now you can see why I didn’t do my mingle this week – it really was not pretty, and I could not subject you, my readers, to the ugliness.

This has been one of the oddest things that has ever happened to me.  I have no idea how or why it happened, but I am hoping it will go away and never come back.  I have found myself humming “My Humps” since this began.  “My lump, my lump, my lovely facial lump”.  Ick.

Remember to drink lots of water!

Have you ever had a Parotid gland stone?



About Author

Jennifer Regan is the owner/editor-in-chief of Eighty MPH Mom, a family-friendly blog. She is active in Brand Ambassadorships and campaigns, and is active in social media, helping brands promote!

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