Being a kid has a pretty steep learning curve and as the world around us gets more and more complicated there’s much more to learn for our kids than there was even for us growing up. The more there is to learn, the more there is to get wrong. Let’s face it, getting stuff wrong is an essential part of making sense of the world. As a parent, it is part of your job description to guide your child through the process of improvement after mistakes are made. These might be little mistakes like spilling milk or drawing on the walls, or they might be bigger and more serious mistakes.
As kids get older, it’s a natural part of the maturing process to want to test the limits of parents’ authority and in this sense even well behaved kids can develop rebellious or emotionally erratic tendencies. But whether we’re talking about playing hooky from school or something more serious like getting involved in alcohol or drugs or even committing crimes, parents need to remember the following things:
The power and importance of forgiveness
It’s perfectly natural to be angry when our kids let us down. And when we’re angry, our first instinct is to punish. Yet, while kids need to be shown that actions have consequences forgiveness doesn’t make you their doormat to be walked all over. Forgiveness empowers you and establishes your ability to help repair the relationship. Whether that comes in the form of helping them pay to fix a broken window or seeking out addiction treatment programs, only by forgiving can you heal and grow. But forgiveness doesn’t come overnight. It comes in these stages.
Acknowledgement
Forgiveness isn’t a denial that your child has done something wrong or a steadfast insistence that they’re perfect. For forgiveness to work, the wrongdoing needs to be acknowledged. You and your child both need to face up to exactly what’s been done. Trying to sweep it under the rug will do way more harm than good in the long term.
Experience
Experience your emotions. All of them – anger, regret, disappointment, and sadness. Repressing your emotions will only cause more damage in the long term, and may even lead to resentment and a schism between you and the person you love.
Communication
It’s important to communicate your emotions to your child. But it is also important to communicate with your co-parent (if you have one), friends and relatives or, if you are religious, with God. Communication can go a long way in lending your perspective.
Forgiveness
If you’ve done the above, this is actually the easy part. Tell your child that while you are upset by what they have done that you forgive them and want to help them make things right. Tell them that you want to set yourself and them free from anger, guilt, shame, frustration and resentment.
Release
Forgiveness will allow you to release all the negative emotions that can fester inside you and detoxify your soul. Release them so that they can’t damage your heart or your mind any more so that you and your child can move on to a new chapter in your relationship.
