How much support does your college-bound child need? As is generally the answer to every parenting question, it depends. If it’s your second or third child heading off to college, their wants and needs might be very different from that of their siblings. You could be in a different place with the resources that you have to offer as well. With all of this in mind, below are several ways that you can offer support.
Cosigning on Student Loans
Even if you’re able to help your kid out with expenses, chances are that they will need to take out some student loans. However, the issue that students run into is needing a cosigner for these loans since they usually don’t have much of a credit history themselves. You may wonder whether you are obligated to cosign on these loans as a parent and what will happen if you don’t. It’s important to think carefully about cosigning and if you are ready to take on the financial burden, even if saying no is frustrating to your child.
Keep Communication Open
Does your child text you for help every time the smallest obstacle crops up? Could you go weeks without hearing from them? There are ways to handle either situation. For the former, you should be open to listening to them but gently encourage them to solve some of their own problems and to start building strong relationships with their fellow students and even their professors.
Remind them that it’s normal for this to feel like a tough transition and that the fact that they may be struggling at times is by no means a sign that they are failing. For the latter, you can keep in touch in a low-key way, such as texting a photo from your day or of something that reminded you of them. Try not to get frustrated about the fact that you’re not hearing back from them. You can schedule a quick check-in phone call if you’re worried about their well-being, but make sure that you’re really focused on making sure they’re okay and not on assuaging your own anxieties.
Input and Advice
Try to avoid the urge to give advice that was not asked for. At the same time, you may be able to nurture their interest and talents and help them figure out some extracurricular activities and student clubs to get involved in if they’re struggling with that element of fitting in. You can also plan a weekend to come a visit if they would appreciate that. That gives them something to look forward to and a chance for you to better understand what their life is like now.
Just Ask
Sometimes the simplest answer is also the truest one. Ask your child what they need from you. Of course, you may be unwilling or unable to provide it for any number of reasons, including a request that strikes you as asking you to be over-involved when you want to encourage more independence. However, even if you can’t provide exactly what they’ve asked for, their answer can give you a starting point to figure out the best support that you can give.
