Fear of Flying
As you may or may not know, last week I headed to Los Angeles for the L.A. Bloggers Brunch. I had a shuttle pick me up from my house to take me to the airport. Actually it was a little car – a new little car and I was the only person in it, other than the driver.
I was nervous about flying, and was really quite proud of myself for actually doing it. I figured I had better do it at least once before BlogHer ’10, and this was also an event I did not want to pass up.
I had picked up a Grande Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha before the driver got there, and was happily sipping on my tasty hot beverage on the way to the airport. My drink was anchored between my knees, I was heading out of town – life was good.
As we exited the Caldecott tunnel, the driver over corrected one of the curves on the freeway. Panic set in as I looked down and saw my drink upside down on the floor. Coffee had kindly spilled down the inside of both jean legs too, and IN my shoes. It was a huge mess. This was the only pair of pants I brought with me because…well, they are the only ones that fit currently! Ummm…what do I do now? I asked if he had a towel because I dumped coffee all over the floor of this new car while he was driving like a moron I spilled “a little” coffee. Of course he did not have one. I couldn’t wait until we go to the airport – I just wanted to hide. I was so embarrassed walking through the airport.
When I arrived at the hotel, the coffee had pretty much dried, but it was obvious that something had spilled on my jeans. I washed the pant legs off in the sink and set them on my balcony to dry. The coffee was still a little obvious the next day.
SO, on my way home, I got on the plane and settled in. The stewardess was bringing drinks around and I ordered a Coke. I was working on a crossword puzzle, listening to my ipod and looking forward to getting home. There was a nice man seated next to me and a lady next to him. It took all of my strength not to freak out at every little bump or inkling of turbulence and I was in my ‘zone’. All of a sudden, I felt something….wet. When I looked down, I was horrified to see that my coke had spilled all over my pants. This time it wasn’t on the bottom of my jeans. It was “there”. Yes, it looked like I got scared and peed my pants. Not again!! My backside was wet too – it had spilled under me in my seat. I reached under and pulled ice cubes out. Nice…real nice. Of course everyone on the plane was staring.
The stewardess came by and said “Oh that is going to be sticky.” Gee, thanks lady. Now do you suppose you can get me something to WIPE THIS UP WITH!!?? Pretty please, with sugar on top. She wandered off and came back with 3 paper napkins. Surely you SH*T me right? I asked if perhaps she had a towel back wherever it is that stewardesses go when they disappear. She replied, “Ummm no, we don’t have towels.” She did, however, supply me with about 7 more thin paper napkins. Wonderful – this should do the trick! I untangled myself from my ipod cords and a nice lady across the aisle took my workbook, pen and Starbucks (oh yes, I just HAD to get a Starbucks at the airport. Did I learn nothing?). I wiped up the best I could, as the fella next to me laughed and said, “Are you sure that wasn’t a cocktail?” Oh how I wish. I might as well have had a stiff drink. I strategically aimed the little air vent above me at my crotch and sat there fuming and humiliated. I was also planning how I was going to get through the airport, while looking like I had an accident. Not cool at all. Luckily I brought a sweat jacket with me and it didn’t get wet. I would tie it around my waist. Ooooh – then I remembered that I had my laptop bag (which has a long shoulder strap). Perfect – I would put it around my neck, with the bag portion covering my…well you know.
It worked! I was nervous standing up in the plane, but I did it. The sweat jacket covered my backside perfectly, and the lady across from me gave me the once over and then the thumbs up. Sweet! I probably looked a little funny walking through the airport. I was uncomfortable too. Yuck. I waited for my bag and then waited for my shuttle. I was filled with happiness when I saw the car pull up. The driver was a lady – I was happy to see this as I really needed some sympathy at this point. She provided me with plenty.
I was so incredibly happy to be home. But let me tell you something: The next time I, the Eighty MPH Mom travels, I am not taking liquids of any kind with me. If I must have a coffee, I will finish it before hopping in a car or boarding a plane. When the stewardess asks me if I’d like something to drink, I will simply say, “Thanks, but no thanks…just peanuts please.”