Mother walks away from her children to go to Japan
I recently saw a Today Show segment that has truly bothered me all week. Ten years ago a young mother had the opportunity to go to Japan for an overseas fellowship. She left her two small boys with their father for 6 months. During this time, she decided to walk away from her marriage and mothering of her two young boys (ages 3 and 5). Her time apart made her realize that she didn’t want to be a full time mom. She explains that she lost herself and wanted to give herself more priority. (I should mention that she had known she really didn’t want to be a mom before having her two boys.)
The most bothersome part of this for me is the walking away to give herself more priority. You are a mom and right now, your kids need to be your priority!! I am realistic, not everyone wants to be a parent and they choose that lifestyle without kids. But if you do have kids, there is a responsibility. It breaks my heart knowing that these little boys probably didn’t really understand why she left. She wasn’t there to kiss a boo-boo. She wasn’t there to comfort them after a bad dream. She wasn’t there to give them a big hug.
Fast forward ten years. She now lives down the street from her teen boys and shares joint custody. Her time with them is “quality time” because she can pay attention to them in a 5-6 hour block of time. I am not sure I would call that “quality time”…every minute, every smile, every giggle, every cry is quality time with my kids and I don’t think this mother sees that during her 5 hours!
I go from a range of emotions, heartbroken then mad. How could a mom do this? I just don’t get it. Maybe because I knew I wanted to be a mom and became a mom a little later in life. The timing was right and I felt this was such an important choice for us to become a family. I have no idea what this mom’s circumstances were but if you knew you didn’t want to be a mom, why in the world would you have kids, let alone two?
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She has written a book about her revelation while in Japan which is up for an award. I personally won’t be reading it or sharing more information than that. I will share the segment for you to watch and see what you think. Maybe I am over reacting…I think back to my kids when they were that age and how much they needed me…I just couldn’t walk away. Could you?
@TammysTwoCents
16 Responses
While I could never do that… I can’t help but wonder maybe it was for the best that she left rather then be a half-assed/resentful mom if she stayed.
I have to agree with you on this one. Imagine the children’s lives if she had stayed and was miserable. That misery would have resulted in bad, if not neglectful, parenting that could have screwed those boys up more than her leaving.
Her making a profit from this with a book and TV appearances, though, is another thing. It’s in bad taste and no one needs to hear about it. Anyone who buys this book is just egging her on.
Concur. It’s a pity. Genuine {selfless} mothering needs to make a come back with a quickness. For the sake of future generations.
Good point Erin and then you wonder if that is how abuse starts…and I definitely wouldn’t wish that on anyone!
To me this is sickening. She is trying to say it is OK to just walk out!
I know, I still can’t get over that mentality!
We have several X-family members (married in) who have walked away from their children and spouse. It makes me sick to see what they have done to these babies. It is so very sad and yet such a wide spread epidemic that mothers are walking away now just as fathers do. I just don’t get it. I love my babies and if I left they would be attached at the hip
Wow what a horrible person, she shouldn’t even be allowed to even see the kids for what she did, what a selfish person she is. And then to promote a book about it, I hope no one buys it. She really has some nerve. Those poor boys, what conflict they must feel.
Not in a kazillion could I. I am a true mother hen and it has been hard for me to let my kids grow apart from me. I could not ever imagine WANTING that to happen. I do know people this has happened to. My dad was an alchoholic and chose to drink in stead of spending time with the last four of us kids. He lived in a neighboring town but didnt call, write, or visit. It broke my youngest brothers heart and spirit and still today at 42 has deep wounds. My grandson’s dad is much the same but without the addiction. He just decided about 5 years ago that he was “done”. sad as all hell. And I did date a guy once who had two sons he had shared custody of on paper, but the mother moved two hours away and NEVER saw her kids for at least a dozen years. She remarried and had a little .girl and was happy as could be..no guilt at all for abandoning her boys. They were 7 and 8 then. HOW can it happen. Selfishness…irresponsibility…and dare I say a bit of mental instability. (yeah, I know some people actually DO have these illnesses and they cant be up to raising children but I am talking about the type of selfish and conceited people who THINK they are entitled to everything and put their own time, happiness, funds, emotional giving etc ahead of everyone elses. I know moms do need to take breaks from their kids and motherhood can be overwhelming…but that is maybe a few hours, days or even a week vacation, not half of a person’s child hood. Makes me ill and cant believe anyone would buy the trash book she has put out to promote herself once AGAIN and try to alleviate some guilt by explaining? There IS no excuse. My opinion.
UGH I agree…I just don’t understand how anyone could do this!
I don’t understand it – but then again, I don’t understand the minds of people who cheat on their SOs, or murder, rape, swindle old people, etc. I think I’d rather have her walk out on her marriage and her kids, then be there physically but not emotionally. Both of my parents were not emotionally invested in me when I was growing up, and I can tell you from my experience, I would have rather they not be there at all.
I am so sorry to hear this! I guess in certain cases it might be for the better…
I agree with Donna. I suffered the same emotional neglect from my parents growing up and even physical abuse. Immediately after reading about this, I thought, “maybe it was for the best” and thought about my own childhood. I would much rather my mother leave than stay and treat me the way she did. As a rational adult now, I know for certain that I would have more respect for her today and it would have been easier to love her even though she had left. So many women want to judge and be harsh to these types of women without sitting down to think what the possible horrible alternatives would be if they were to stay. I think we all watch the news enough to know what tragic things can happen when a mother stays in a household where she doesn’t want to be. Some women have children they think don’t want and change for the better because of it and some do the complete opposite. This woman may have done her family and society a favor.
You are right – she just might have. It’s just so sad that is had to be this way at all 🙁
It’s not something I could imagine doing but I think there are circumstances where it might be best for a mother not to parent her child. We adopted our youngest daughter who came to live with us when she was six years old. Her mother was unable to care for her and felt we were in a position to give her precious child a better life. Our daughter is developmentally disabled and I feel in our case the mother made a very brave decision to allow another family to raise her child. We will always be grateful to her for honoring us with the privilege of having this wonderful child in our lives.
I am a mother of five children, their ages are 28.25, 12, 11,11. I understand why, and only she can make that decision and i am sure she is aware that ther is always a downside to her decision to go. Please do not judge her. I have been there to kiss my childrens owies, cheer at their games be there for my husband etc. yet I have to wonder “what about me”. it is a naturual thought. Each mom has their own path and judging each other is hurtful, because we don’t know all the info into others lives. Please support and wish all moms the very best, because being a Mom is the hardest job we will ever have.
Gloria Swires