Temper tantrums in public can be embarrassing and frustrating for parents. I’m a mother of 2 energetic boys so I’ve had many experiences with wild behavior both at home and in public. Here’s what works for me and how to handle a tantrum in public and some positive discipline techniques.
Real World Experience
My sons are 13 and 3 years old now, so while I was totally done with temper tantrums with Benjamin, Kairo came along just in time to keep my de-escalating skills in practice. Before my son has a meltdown in the stores, I have gotten really good at diffusing the situation at least until we get home.
It’s so hard to follow my plans for grocery shopping or running errands when the kids are bickering, fighting, crying, or worse. You can’t even hear yourself think! The best thing to do is shut them down at the first sign of a tantrum.
You may not agree with all of these suggestions but they certainly work for me. There’s also enough options here for you to implement one tactic or another that will help you.
Listen and make them feel heard
Uh oh! A tantrum strikes, you’re in public and people are looking…what do you do? First of all, forget about those other people. If they have kids, they know what’s going on so keep your focus on your child. Nobody else matters and don’t feel embarrassed. Tantrums are a part of growing up.
Acknowledge that your child is angry by saying it. I usually say, “Uh oh Kairo is angry. What’s wrong?”
At this point Kairo will begin to calm down just long enough to tell me what he wants and what his feelings are. This is positive attention that goes a long way.
Give them positive attention
Positive attention is almost anything that is the opposite of screaming or spanking. Sometimes I’ll hug my kids immediately and tell them I know they’re mad. The hug is positive attention.
Hand holding is also positive attention that can help calm your child down. Be sure to give them positive attention and communicate at the same time.
Also, try not to take small kids out around their nap time. Skipping naps can lead to a serious meltdown.
If they can’t have it, fake it!
Sometimes children will see something in the stores that they can’t have for one reason or another. It really doesn’t matter why because being told no is a part of life.
Kairo will often say he wants something that he’s never seen before in life but suddenly he can’t live without it. He will begin to freak out if I tell him to put it back or give him a flat out no.
In my experience it’s easier to remove the item or hide it from them. Sometimes, I will take the item from him and pretend to bring it with us. Later, I put the item back when he’s not looking.
Most of the time he doesn’t remember wanting it or ever seeing it in the first place. If he does happen to remember or look for something he wanted, I just deal with the backlash at home. Remember, it’s the public tantrum that you’re looking for help with and this is how to handle a tantrum in public with the least amount of drama.
Use distractions
Distracting a toddler should not be difficult at all if you know what they like. Tell a funny story, bring up a happy memory, show them something they CAN have. Kids can sometimes be easily distracted by things they love doing, so talk about those things or make plans to do them when you get home.
Teach them how to react to frustrations
Kids need constructive ways to deal with their anger because being told no is a part of life. Many adults still throw tantrums when they can’t have something or someone they want because they never learned to have discipline.
I use clear and full sentences to teach my children how to conduct themselves when things don’t go their way. I may say something like, “When you’re angry don’t scream, just tell me you’re angry.”
Here’s a fun song from Yo Gabba Gabba that teaches kids that “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.”
Stay in control
Whether you are at home or in the grocery stores, it’s important to stay in control during public temper tantrums. You can do this by not worrying about what other people think or remembering that you don’t necessarily need to do anything. Make sure your child is not in any danger and continue communicating with them by using some of these strategies.
Take deep breaths and remain calm
I breathe deep to increase oxygen to my brain. This helps me think more clearly through the crying and screaming. Taking deep breaths also forces me to pause in the moment and not do or say anything to escalate the drama while we’re in public.
Just because your kid is crying, it doesn’t make you a bad parent.
These are my tips for how to handle a tantrum in public and they have helped me tremendously on a shopping trip or two. What do you think about these techniques? Let me know below.
Read more from Lyric at Eighty Mph Mom!
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2 Responses
Great post. We have all been there. Let people judge you. They probably don’t have children. This is part of how it goes for most children.
I totally agree! They learn if they ever have children one day. Thanks for stopping by!